Independence Day

I opted for staying home.  Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I doubt I’d have been good company.  I’m just kind of down right now.

Lexie has not passed whatever she swallowed.  They took another scan.  It is still there at the bottom of her stomach.  They think she will pass it eventually, and no, it is not causing her any problems.  That is a relief.

I’d kind of like to go to a movie but I don’t know what is showing anywhere.  Not that I couldn’t find out, but I guess I’m just not motivated.  The last couple of days haven’t been the best for me.  I’m back to the unhappy reality of being unemployed and it is getting to me.  I do so hope Johnson County calls me for one of the jobs I applied for and I get hired.    Things are getting kind of scary.    The last thing I want to give up is my Internet access, but it could come to that.  Well, enough grousing.  I’ll be all right.  Just isn’t a good day today.

It’s Been a Long Time

I’ve neglected my poor blog site and although I feel badly about it, I still say I’ve had nothing to really write about.  Since I last wrote in this David Carradine has died (how bizarre),  Farrah Fawcett (sad, but I wasn’t really a fan) and Michael Jackson.  I have real mixed feelings about him.  After all the allegations of him being a pedophile, he still seemed to have many fans and many admirers.  I know he always swore his innocence, and it isn’t up to me to worry about it or to pass judgment.  I just wonder  how true all the rumors are/were.

Now Billy Mays has died and he was (I believe) only 50.  That is unfortunate for sure.

We have a bit of a scare about my granddaughter.  She was on a formula study for the university and today being her 1st birthday was the last day of the study.  She went in for her follow-up and for reasons unknown to me they did a scan of her bone structure.  In her stomach they found something showing up bright white in the scan that looks like a heart.  Of course she must have swallowed something but what could it have been?  If she doesn’t pass it through by Friday she will go back to the doctor and they will decide what to do from there.  I hope she passes it, I’d hate to think they had to do something invasive to her to get it out.  So, of course, I’m a bit worried, but the doctor examined her and said it wasn’t causing her any pain or anything, so maybe I’m being over-worried (if there is such a thing).

No job yet.  I still have hopes, but nothing yet.  There are a couple of jobs at the county that I have applied for and I’m hoping one of them will interview and then hire me.  I’ve applied for a part-time job at the City of Coralville, and numerous other positions.  It is a bad time to be unemployed.  I keep telling myself that something will turn up.  I’m praying that it is so.

My grandson started pre-school today.  He’s going part-time to begin with, I guess this fall it will go to full-time.  So, I didn’t get to see him today and I missed him.  However, I hear he had a good time, didn’t want to go home, and is anxious to go back, so I guess it is a good thing. 

That is all I know for now.  If I think of something else I will get back on.

Almost 60

In 26 days I will be 60.   It doesn’t feel so old even though I can easily remember when I thought 60 meant  you were ready for the grave.  Amazing how one changes their mind when that age is looming closer and closer.

I am still looking for work but not yet panicked.  I keep feeling something is just around the corner for me.

I’ve been having bouts of sadness for no reason at all.  Like yesterday, I was driving to run an errand and all of a sudden a thought came into my mind that, “It’s so sad.”  I had tears in the back of my eyes and  I didn’t even know what I was thinking was so sad, or unhappy about. 

Other times I will be happy and in a good mood (although I have no reason to be) and I almost start singing.  Too ridiculous.  As I have mentioned, I have no reason for these feelings, at least none I can pinpoint.

I’ve also had some weird dreams from being in a huge community bathtub, vacationing in Hawaii, or waitressing at Ming Gardens again.  Too strange, I know.

But, almost 60–it isn’t so bad.  It sure beats the alternative.

Already June 5th

It seems time gets away from me a lot lately.   The children went back to their mother after being here Wednesday and Thursday.  They light up my life, for sure.  I’m so proud, we (mostly Richard) got Demetri to start going potty.  He even went all by himself a few times.  That is for #1, we’re still working on #2, but progress is being made.

I am starting to worry about my mind, or my brain, however it should be said.  I lost my car keys twice within two days (I did find them though), I injured myself several times in the last week.  I have three bruises inside my left leg up by my knee and my left knee banged into a wall (don’t ask) and it really hurt!  It doesn’t look like much but it is very tender.  I also have banged my head a few times in the last few days.  Something is out of whack and I’m assuming it must be my brain.

I’m getting to know my oldest son better again.  Some things I’d forgotten are coming back to mind, and I have made a lot of concessions to try and keep him happy, but so far it isn’t working out badly.  He really appreciates my help with the kids and I want to be involved with them as much as I can.  Lexie is so precious, Demetri is so smart.  I’m blessed.

May 19th

I finally got my computer back.  What a a relief.  It is quite hot.  I know it isn’t even 80, but I am perspiring.  I’d turn on the air but I know everyone would think I’m crazy.  However, if it is like this the next few days I might anyway.  No point in suffering.

Still hunting for a job.  This is starting to drive me kind of crazy.  Money I should have spent for medications went on fixing my computer.  Now I’m almost out of insulin and don’t know what will happen.  I’ll try to find out more tomorrow about what options I may have.

My grandchildren continue to be wonderful additions to my life.  I enjoy them both so much.  Lexie is learning more and more.  I pay a lot of attention to her and so she’s always excited to see me.  I’ve taught her to play “pat-a-cake” and also do the “this little piggy went to market” on her toes.  She loves it.  She will be a year old June 30.  She is walking around furniture now but doesn’t stand by herself yet.  She will walk if someone holds on to her hands, but doesn’t attempt it otherwise.

Demetri will be four on June 22nd.  He really knows a lot for his age.  He refuses to be potty trained, but we’ve devised a plan.  He has a computer (kid’s computer) and he loves it.  From now on he doesn’t get to play it until he’s gone potty.  If he wets (or other) while he’s playing, he has to stop playing until he uses the potty again.   This is not the plan I used training my children, but this is what his parents want to do and I  hope it works.  With mine I just put training pants on them and watched them like a hawk.  If they started to wet, I carried them quickly to the potty.  When they succeeded I told them how wonderful they were.  If they failed I very disappointedly told them, “I wish you’d have told me you had to go potty.”  It didn’t take long for them to get the idea.

Other than that I plug along.  I keep looking for a new dress for my niece’s wedding even though I can’t afford one.  I tried on a dress in my closet today that I’ve had for a couple of years but have never worn and I think I will probably wear it.  It looks halfway decent.  Wish I could do something about my arms but it is probably too short of a notice to do that.  Ah well.

Signing off for today . . . .

It’s been awhile

My computer has been on the fritz.   It is in for repair but that is why I haven’t been on.  I’d like to say there are new and wonderful things in my life but it just isn’t true.  I am still job-hunting and running into brick walls wherever I seem to go.

I feel that since I haven’t written in awhile I don’t have anything really to say, but that’s not exactly so.  Just what to put down and what to forget about? 

Without a job is the neverending worry about money.  I hate being in this predicament.  I would just like to find a job I can be happy with until I retire (you’ve seen me write this before, right?) and make enough money to pay my bills and some extra for fun sometimes.  That shouldn’t be too much to ask for.

Other than this problem, I’m fairly content with my life.  It isn’t great, but it isn’t bad either so I do count my blessings.

Here’s wishing everyone a good weekend.

My Sunshine

After not seeing them all weekend I saw my grandchildren today.  Demetri was extremely loving.  He was playing on my computer and I went up behind him and leaned down, put my arms around him and kissed his cheek.  He reached up and put his arm around me and then stood up and gave a long hug.  I was enjoying that and then he said, “I love you, Nana.”  Well by then my heart was melting all over the floor.  What a treat.  Of course Lexie was her usual sweet, charming self.  It is such a pleasure having them here.

Nothing new on the job search but I haven’t lost hope yet.  I’ve sent my resume’ to plenty of places, that is for sure.  I try hard not to get discouraged.

Sunday

Today is May 3rd.  Still no news on the prospects of a job.  I get discouraged about this but don’t know what I can do.  I guess I’ll keep looking until the unemployment runs out and then I’ll take anything I can get.  I see no point in going to work for $7.00 an hour anywhere. 

I plan to stay home and get something done around here for a change.  I’m sick of living in a mess.  I got a start on it but then got distracted.  I was looking online at my bank statement and found charges coming out of my account for things I know I canceled.  So I got on the phone and called these places.  What a rigamarole.  The one place told me the item I was charged for was for a companion company and I would need to call them.  So I did.  They had no record of me whatsoever and since I’d only been charged $29.95 it couldn’t have been their product because it was $69.  They told me I’d have to talk to Company A.  I explained that was whom I’d called first and was told to call them (Company B).  Well, not the case so I called Company A back.  They told me I’d have to call Company B.  I explained that I’d called A first, then called B, and B told me to call A back and that was what I was doing.   Then they admitted that the recent charge had come from them.  I hope I got through to the new rep I talked to at Company A.  I think I did, but I took her name just in case.  I will be very hesitant before I buy online again.  Oh, not on everything, but with anything that can have monthly installments coming out.  I can’t afford this.

I haven’t seen the grandchildren since Friday, but so far I’m okay with that.  I had them so much last week it doesn’t hurt to go a couple of days without seeing them.  Besides, I will see them tomorrow.

Demetri is not to be trusted around his sister.  Friday morning I believe he pushed her down the stairs.  Now she was only on the second stair, but the way she landed we’re pretty sure he pushed her.  I grabbed her up and comforted her and looked at my son and said, “This is why I don’t leave them alone in a room together.”   He does mean little things to his sister and I don’t he gets caught that much except when I’m watching them.  I don’t trust him out of my sight with her.   He also acted very guilty after the stair incident and pretended he fell down the stairs and lay there fussing like he was hurt.  We knew better.   Of course since we weren’t 100% sure he pushed her we couldn’t do anything.  I’m always telling him he mustn’t hurt the baby, but I don’t think he fully understands.  Which, of course, is why he needs to be constantly watched. He’s a stubborn, head-strong little stinker.  But so adorable.

If I watch them so closely how did she get pushed in the first place?  Easy, her father was right there and I’d been run ragged with them all week.  I thought if he wasn’t worried I shouldn’t be either.  I won’t make that mistake again.

Unhappy Memory

Does anyone remember back in 1993 when a 13 year old (Eric Smith) lured a four year old (Derek Robie) into some woods by his house and murdered him (New York)?   There’s been a marathon  on TV about cases from the past and that was one of them.  It showed videos of Derek and he was so adorable.  It broke my heart.   It showed him swimming, playing T-Ball, playing with his dad and quite a bit of other footage.   He was a beautiful blonde haired blue eyed boy.  They said he was all boy too.  It put me in mind of my grandson and I got even sicker.  To think of that vibrant, lovable, and yes, ornery, boy being at the hands of someone like Eric put a fear close to panic in my heart.  Things like that should never, ever happen.  Little Derek was going to a park (or something)  and he didn’t even have to cross the street.  It was at the end of the block.   I was sick at heart watching this and I teared up a few times.  They lived in a small town in upstate New York and it was known as being a great, safe place to raise your children.

I’m mentioning it now because it reminds me that we can’t let our precious little ones out of our sight for even a little bit.   I hope parents everywhere are very diligent in the protection of their children.

Eric Smith is now either 26 or 27, I don’t remember what the TV said.  It showed him in prison and he was interviewed.  He couldn’t give a reason why he killed little Derek.  He was up for parole and of course was trying to be released on parole.  Call me cold-hearted, but I don’t think Eric should ever see the light of day outside of prison.  I don’t care if he was only 13.  The question was, “Did he know what he was doing that day all those years ago?”  Come on!  Of course he knew!  I was babysitting siblings when I was 13 and I certainly knew if I did certain things it could harm or kill them.   People on his side say he is rehabilitated now.  Is that possible?  Would anyone want to take a chance on having him live next door to their small child?  Perhaps there are some, but I would never have an easy moment if someone like him lived close to me.

I’m happy to say his parole was denied and he won’t be up again for two years.  The parents of poor little Derek wrote a letter to the authorities and sent a video of their lost darling boy.  Of course they don’t want Eric to be free–ever.   I just hope that program reminded parents to be extra careful to protect their babies, because that was what four year old little Derek was, a precious baby.. 

On another note, I have a sore throat.  My oldest started out with his illness this way so fun, fun, I’m probably going to get it.    Ugh.

Pain of the Heart

Today it is Sunday.  I’m missing my grandchildren terribly.  I haven’t seen them since Thursday and chances are I won’t see them again until Wednesday.   It hurts, it hurts so much it is almost a physical pain. 

My niece is getting married in June.  Her sister and her family will be here from California and my brother and his family will be here from Canada.  We have planned a gathering for the 4th of July.   This used to be a family tradition.  Grandma, all the aunts, uncles, cousins and their families all knew where they’d spend July 4th–with family.  In earlier years we did this in my grandma’s yard.  In later years when it was too much for her we started having it at the park.  Slowly through the years people started doing their own thing and we just don’t get together anymore.  Usually we only see each other at funerals. 

I’m mentioning all this because I would like to have my grandchildren the 4th of July since the family will be getting together.  My son will work, but I would like to have his children with me.  He told me he doesn’t think their mother will allow it.  I wanted to scream but of course I didn’t.  Since the 4th of July is on Saturday this year he reminded me that Saturday and Sunday were their mother’s day to have them. 

I hate to think my grandchildren are going to grow up not knowing our side of the family.  My granddaughter is almost a year old and there are people in the family that have never even seen her.  A lot of my own siblings have only seen her once or twice when she was tiny; before she had a personality like she does now.  I just hate this.  I feel like I am being punished.

Last week when my grandson saw me for the first time in over a week he got a big grin on his face and said, “Nana, there you are!”  Like he couldn’t understand where I’ve been.  I feel like my heart will break.  I love those children so much.

Hopefully this Wednesday I will see them, but that is three days away and seems like a long time.